Ahaha. I was looking at pictures of my long flowing locks last night. Pictures from before I chopped it all off. I never liked it when it was long, but now that it’s gone I think it looks awesome. Aint that always the way it goes? I was actually singing that in my head when I made breakfast this morning. That: “Dont it always seem to go that you dont know what you got till it’s gone.” business. No idea where it came from either. I’m having a better day than I had been. I feel a bit lame here and there but now I realize whining about feeling lame just makes it 10 times worse. If I dont like what I’m doing, I can change it. Easily. So why am I not doing that? Why am I staying the same when I hate it? Because it’s easier. That’s crap. Life needs to bitch slap me so hard, and I feel like it will pretty soon. But in the meantime, I’m staying optimistic.
Heart of the Matter by Don Henley totally made me feel less heartbroken. Thanks, Don. :)
Yeah, so my heart is broken and my life feels sooooo shitty at the moment. I’m trying to be strong, but I’m just like “wtf?!” I tried being friends with someone who broke up with me and it’s ridiculously hard to hang around her and realize that she doesnt even give a shit anymore. She’s perfectly fine with it all and doesnt even want to talk about it, and when I bring things up anyways she never has anything to say. Damn you, woman. I’m glad to hear you have a second job and your having a blast with all your old friends. Glad to hear your life is awesome now that I’m not in it. That’s just great. All I ever do is love people and try to make them happy and it gets me nowhere and I’m sick of it. I’ll get out of this funk, I always do. But right now, FUCK THIS!!!!
Oh man, this an optimistic post…I’m not usually like this. Life’s hard. We all know it. And I’m sure we all know it’s a little bit harder with lack of love.
HHhhhhhiiiii!
I have pictures to eventually post of farm shenanigans. Ahhh, the littlest baby duck, you’ll see! RIP to all his siblings. It’s really very sad. Last month my girlfriend was watching a farm while the owners were in Thailand. I stayed with her quite a bit. There was a pair-o-llama’s & emu’s (ello Crysta! what’s the password?!), some sheep, THE CUTEST DONKEY EVER (we share the same name <3), chickens, two cats, and so many fucking ducks you wouldn’t even believe it.
Duck. Shit. Everywhere.
There was also a demon bird and a smelly dog.
Good times were had, regardless!
Baby ducks hatched and were so tiny and cute. All but one got eaten by some sort of savage animal, and left no traces or remnants. (Maybe the coop was in the Bermuda triangle?) So we rescued the last one and put him and his mom in the barn. I just assume baby ducks are boys….Idk.
That’s all I feel like updating about right now. That’s probably all you feel like reading about.
P.S.
Liz! If you’re reading this: You’re still in NH and you’re coming home tonight and I’M SO EXCITED AND I MEEESSSS YOU! I keep picturing how big and dramatic the hug I give you is going to be!
I love the fall! It’s well on it’s way to my doorstep.
I love kicking up all the orange and brown leaves, looking at the firey golden trees before the leaves fall off.
I love drinking apple cider. (and I can’t wait to go apple picking with Liz.)
I love how it smells right when the season changes.
I love Halloween and Thanksgiving. I love my birthday being in October!
So much love for autumn, it’s such a glorious time of year.
Of course, I like different things from different seasons. I dont want the other three to get jealous.
“Starlight, starbright, the first star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.”
and a calm puff of breath scattering the seeds of a dandelion,
and every coin and I ever threw into a well or a fountain,
and each eyelash that I found sitting on my cheek,
209 birthday candles, some of which I cant recall,
the breastbone of a fowl, snapped in my favor,
the unspecified commonality between these,
resemble a question that never had a solution.
This sort of hopeful inquiry always piled atop
a mountain of absolute certainty,
a peak charted as Belief,
highly elevated,
forever pointing upwards,
gentle whispers from the clouds,
“never forget, always persevere”
because the rocks know us better then we know ourselves
and they are the proof that an Answer exsists.
Knowing someone genuinely likes you makes lifes little hinderances feel so unimportant. Excuse me while I continue to swoon.
In the midst of my aimlessness I accidently made up a really fun game that I’m calling “Dictionary Chase”. You’ll catch on once you start reading:
I followed Integrity to Honesty
I went from Honest to Truthful,
which is to tell the Truth and what’s True
is either Fact, Accurate, or Genuine.
Fact goes right back to something being True.
Accurate is free from error,
Genuine is Really what it is said to be,
What’s Real is actually Exsisting,
Exsisting means to be present somewhere or to Live
being Alive means being Aware
and being Aware is to have Knowledge or Realization.
Knowledge could either be something familiar
or tie right back into Fact.
Realization is just the love-child of Fact and Awareness.
Definitions tend to do a complete loop. It’s strange not being able to find the END of a definition. It gives me that “life is full of mysteries” feeling. Every word you say or write is it’s own special form of infinite.
